Thoughts at 34 Weeks Pregnant

Today I invite you into the mind of a woman in her third trimester of pregnancy.
  1. I can’t remember the last time I saw my feet or bellybutton.
  2. I have decided that chocolate cookies and coffee count as a reasonable breakfast.
  3. It’s 9:30am, so I think I’ll take a nap now.
  4. Do I have to pee again? I swear I just went 10 minutes ago.
  5. Ow, for someone so tiny this unborn baby can really jab my ribs.
  6. At what point do I get to drive one of those motorized carts at the grocery store?
  7. There goes another shirt that doesn’t fit. Whatever. Nothing goes with my zombie eyes and walrus waddle anyway.
  8. If anyone tells me, “This will be your third? Wow, you’ll have your hands full!” I. WILL. CUT. THEM.
  9. The worst part of my day: every time I have to bend down to pick something up off the floor.
  10. This third birth should be easy, right? RIGHT?
  11. Okay, I definitely have to pee again.

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