I know I stopped believing in your existence around Christmas 1987 (and then subsequently told all my younger cousins that you were a parental lie). But if you can make any of these things happen this year, that would be fantastic.
Here are a few things I would love for Christmas:
- For Christmas cookies to have the nutritional value of kale.
- A good night of sleep. “Good” meaning 8 hours that aren’t interrupted by my bladder or sore hips.
- For my kids to forget the existence of the song Gangnam Style.
- Trader Joe’s to expand to Hawaii. I mean, c’mon, your employees wear Aloha shirts! What’s the hold up, TJ’s?
- A personal home barista to make gingerbread lattes for me.
- For my toddler to become instantaneously potty trained.
- A satisfying end to How to Get Away With Murder.
Thanks, Santa. Have a good one.