A new creature has entered into our household.
If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was an untrained pet from the store, or an alien life form that arrived from a different planet. But I do know better because this has happened to us before. We now have a toddler.
Our daughter, once a peaceful infant, is now a full-blown wild ball of energy and crazy packaged in 2-ft. of chubby. For all those who think they’ve possibly acquired one of these mysterious creatures, here are some signs:
- Your carpet is covered in graham cracker crumbs and Play-Doh.
- Laundry day used to be once a week. Now it is daily.
- You hear the word “no” an average of 200 times per day.
- You are commanded to read Moo, Baa, La La La over and over and over. And so you hide it, and pray it’ll never be found again.
- If you ever leave the house without reserves of goldfish crackers or string cheese, you’ll be sorry.
- The word “gah-gah” has multiple different meanings (sock, milk, coffee, glasses, cracker, and sometimes oatmeal), and if you don’t understand its particular use within three tries, and respond appropriately, all Hades breaks loose.
- You’ve yelled the phrases, “Stop eating dirt!” and “Don’t touch your poop!”
- If you lie down on the ground, a smallish but hefty person will think you want to wrestle or get pounced on.
- Pampering yourself means shutting the bathroom door and taking a three-minute shower every other day. If you’re really going for glamour, you change into clothes that aren’t yoga pants and a stained t-shirt.
- You fall asleep with the Caillou theme song on repeat in your head.
- Every board game in the house is missing pieces or has bite marks. No one can play a real game of checkers anymore.
- While searching for a lost ball under the couch, you’ve discovered the source of “that mysterious weird smell” is a months-old partially full sippy cup of milk.
- Dance parties consist of Ring-Around-the-Rosie.
- The bottom third of your television screen is covered in little fingerprints.
- You’ve strained your back while trying to carry your squirming kid, a diaper bag, and 3 bags of groceries from the car to the house.
- If someone forgets to close the bathroom door, the roll of toilet paper will quickly be unraveled, non-flushable objects will be thrown in the toilet, and toothpaste tubes will be emptied of their contents.
How about you? Have you joined the toddler party?