Warning: If the mental picture of a woman breastfeeding her baby freaks you out, stop reading now. Also, don’t have kids.
I spend an average of 3-4 hours per day nursing my two-month old. That’s pretty much a part time job. Maybe some women enjoy just sitting around for hours on end, doing nothing but lactating and gazing at their baby all Zen-like. Not me. Though I really enjoy the quiet quality time with my daughter, I also get bored after a while. I need things to occupy my time, or I’ll go insane.
Here are things I have done while breastfeeding:
- Tell my son to stop jumping on the couch near the baby and me.
- Eat food.
- Drop food crumbs on the baby’s face.
- Find food crumbs from previous meals in my bra. Or better yet, in the baby’s fat folds.
- Walk to the bathroom and pee.
- Drink coffee in a desperate attempt to stay awake.
- Sing “Pop Goes the Weasel” thirty times in a row while my son jumps out of a cardboard box.
- Write several drafts of children’s books.
- Yell at the TV about how much I hate politics.
- Sleep sitting up.
- Sleep lying down.
- Worry that Costco stopped selling dried cherries (where are the dried cherries, Costco?!), and consider alternative oatmeal toppings.
- Purchase 10-lb weights on Amazon to start burning off pregnancy arm flab.
- Discover @prodigalsam on Twitter and try not to distract the baby with my jostling laughter.
- Research “homeschooling your kids while maintaining personal sanity.”
- Hate my hair.
- Watch Breaking Bad while hoping the baby doesn’t subconsciously pick up the message that Meth Cook is an acceptable career path.
- Plan the week’s meals and make grocery lists.
- Inhale the baby’s scent and try to commit this exact moment to memory.
- Get a tan at the beach.
- Get a tan while sitting in my parked car in a parking lot.
- Give my son a timeout for jumping on the couch near the baby and me.
Ha ha ha!
Apart from anything related to your son (because my baby is my first one) I have done most of those things (and I dropped avocado on my baby's head more times than I like to remember)).
And then I felt horrible when my friend who has a baby just a little younger than mine told me that when she feeds her, she does nothing else, she is just with her. Oops!
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You, my wife, are hilarious. And a great mom.
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Thing I'm doing while breastfeeding: Reading your blog post about breastfeeding.
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This literally made me laugh out loud– you rock and I can't wait to join this awesome club. I would totally be doing the same things… 🙂
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Alej, I'm so glad I'm not alone on this!
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I just googled about why Costco stopped selling dried cherries and found your blog 🙂 this really made me laugh today!
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Welcome! I'm glad others are as concerned about the Costco cherry shortage as I am 🙂
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