Five Years of Marriage

Tomorrow on June 17th, Steve and I will celebrate our 5th wedding anniversary together.

In these five years, we have learned about each other, and gotten to know the other person’s secrets and quirks. I have learned to read the way Steve’s expression alters in the slightest way when his mind is inventing a joke (which is almost always some sort of pun, because that is the sort of humor my white husband has). Steve has learned that if I am emotionally crazed due to stress, a hard day, or female hormones, a big hug is usually the most effective antidote.

In these five years, we have learned how to communicate, argue, and extend a lot of grace towards each other. In our moments of conflict with each other we listen to each other, give the other person time and space when they need it, and know that whatever happens, we are in it together.

In these five years, we have figured out how to partner together. We’ve learned which of us is better at keeping our family schedule (me), and which of us should oversee our finances (him). As we interact with our family, friends, and other people in our lives, we have fallen into a pattern of relating with others as a couple rather than two independent people. Parenting has taken this partnership to a whole different level, with the two of us learning how to be a mother and father together to our son. We have grown to be each other’s primary source of support, help and encouragement.

In these five years, we have experienced many transitions. From job changes, to having a baby, to financial ups and downs, to purchasing our first home, to health scares, to evolving friendships, to celebrating our entrance into our 30’s, to dealing with profound loss, we have endured incredible amounts of change together.

In these five years, we have created a life and a home together, with our own unique rhythms and routines. Breakfast time has become a dance of brewing coffee, fixing a meal, and chatting about our day’s activities. At night, we have a comfortable routine of putting Aaron to bed, straightening up the disaster zones around the house, and unwinding together with some quiet reading in our cozy bed. We have our shared rituals, like watching Jeopardy on TV, playing heads-up poker, and sitting on the front porch with glasses of wine.

Our wedding seems like ages ago, after all that we have been through. In these five years, I have become more certain than ever that I married an incredible man, and am excited to continue on this marriage journey with him.

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