I have been a mother for over a month now. Is there a medal or trophy for that accomplishment? I realize that women do it all the time, but I feel like I deserve an award for surviving the last few weeks.
I expected motherhood to be a challenge. Believe me, I read all the books and heard all the warnings of other parents. Nothing, however, could have truly prepared me for this first month. Our lives have changed dramatically now that we have a child, and the adjustment has taken some getting used to. I have already had my share of emotional meltdowns, probably due to the combination of haywire hormones, sleep deprivation, and the simple fact that this is the biggest life transition I have ever experienced. Motherhood has taken more commitment, time and energy than I ever thought I had. There have been numerous moments of missing my past life of independence and freedom, moments when I have thought, “What did we get ourselves into?” For the first time in my life, I believe I am truly learning what it means to love unconditionally and sacrificially.
And yet, motherhood has also been more wonderful than I could have imagined. I am amazed at how much love I have for my son. The sense of delight and adoration I have for him overwhelm me sometimes. There are mornings when I wake up, and my first thought of the day is, “I can’t wait to see my child, I miss him so much!” I will hold him in my arms, and just want to soak in the moment forever. I am convinced that at least in some part, I was made to be a mother. Something in me is wired to love and protect and cherish my son, and it feels so right to finally step into this role.
Motherhood is terrifying and thrilling, and if I made it through this first month, I think I can make it through the rest.
Photos from Aaron’s first month can be found here.