Beware of Spam

…the emails, not the meat. The meat is fantastic. Try it fried with eggs.

Somehow, my email address has been obtained by spammers. I’m generally pretty careful about my personal information, so I’m not sure how this happened. But in the last two months I have received a few hundred emails that have filled up my spam inbox with ridiculous messages. Every once in a while, I’ll read one just for kicks…they’re pretty entertaining when you get over how horrible these people are. Here’s my favorite (unedited):

Dear Friend,

My name is Mr.Beston Wood , 45 years old from Bromley Kent ,London.Head Financial Control & Planning department, Skye Bank Plc.I am divorced, have 3 kids living with me at home. I’m 5’11 tall. black. I love animals. I have 2 dogs and 3 cats. I love to travel. I love the outdoors,swimming, riding, skeet shooting, etc..I have a healthy and active social life.

I have been the head of Accounts department in my bank head office, but last September, I was asked to take position of the Head, Financial Control & Planning department of our branch in London , so that was how I became the present Head Head Financial Control & Planning department .By virtue of my position as the Head, Financial Control & Planning department, I write to seek your assistance in a profiting offer.

In order to proceed, I require your full names, contact address,occupation and telephone/fax numbers so we can go over the details of this profiting offer which when its starts to unfold you will have course to smile. Kindly reply this mail as soon as possible to indicate your willingness and interest. I await your urgent response. Thank you.

Yours sincerely,
Bruce Joel.

I’m not making this up. “When it starts to unfold you will have course to smile.” Why thank you, Mr. Bruce Joel (who actually introduces himself as Beston Wood in the email). Thank you for giving me the opportunity to go into a profitable business in London so that I will have course to smile. All I have to do is send you my personal information??? Well you sound like a nice guy, so sure. Who doesn’t like a 5’11, black, animal loving, skeet shooting man. Is this a personal ad or a business proposition?

No, spammers. I do not want to go into a lucrative business with you. I don’t care that I won your lottery. I don’t need any Viagra. I am not going to wire funds into your account. And no, I do NOT want to look at any of the racy pictures that you sent. You’ll have to find someone with a little less common sense, thank you.

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